If you’ve been alone for a few years, you probably think that successful romance in our age group is pretty unfathomable. If you’re in a relationship, living a life of solitude sounds absolutely awful. You want to protect your marital bliss at all costs.
There is a large population of Boomers out there who still think being in relationship is preferable to marching alone all the way to their graves. yet finding love isn’t as easy as signing onto Match.com. After all, even the most bohemian of us is somewhat set in our ways. There are belief systems that have been reinforced again and again by living life in the same way for decades. Few set out to forge new ground, question – or even become aware of their beliefs and still think everyone should hold their same standards. So there is added complexity in making a comfortable and harmonious couple.
Plus after experiencing a bungled marriage that ended in divorce, the concept of legally partnering up seems scary. This is likely why, according to the Journal of Marriage and Family, the number of adults older than 50 are living together rather than marrying. Living together has more than doubled between 2000 and 2010 (that’s 1.2 million to 2.75 million). That same report stated that it is not because of fear of commitment – it is fear of higher health care costs, wiped out retirement benefits, higher taxes and disrupted estate plans. Because the reality is that over 47 percent of Baby Boomers have no savings and many are still in serious debt.
Marriage has a few outstanding components – especially for those of us who prefer companionship, sharing responsibilities, mutual caring and financial issues , but being willing to compromise is best at the heart of it. We’re too old to play games – being direct about what we want and what we are willing to give is crucial. Who wants to spend the rest of their lives arguing about the small stuff? We have already had decades and relationships to do that. Isn’t it time to learn and avoid one another’s hot spots? Don’t we all have the same basic needs? To be trusted. To be respected. To be loved. To be a priority.
The difficulty comes in when both parties continue to look at and sound off about what the other isn’t doing. This has become a chronic problem with the majority.
It seems that over the years, habits set personal standards rather than being available to be stimulated by being with another’s. Isn’t it time to learn that noticing the myriad of positive parts far outweigh whether the toilet seat is up or down? AND, just as important – isn’t it time to focus on self-improvement rather than being determined to change others?
Imagine finding the nearly-perfect mate… yes, days of searching for Mr. or Miss Perfect should be put to bed… and living the vision you always had? Consider how amazing the last few decades of your life could be… you could die of happiness and old age instead of disease and loneliness.
